I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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