ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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