i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
