College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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