Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
