We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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