I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
