no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
