there was a trapeze. enough said
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize