it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
ok first of all what the fuck
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
