I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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