hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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