His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
