the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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