She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
