You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
