Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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