That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
