I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
