we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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