Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
