standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My vagina just recognized that song.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
