never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
