I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
