finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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