so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
