okay pat passed out under dana's car
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
