I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
