Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
