I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
barbara walters just said penis...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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