Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
