Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
