i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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