This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
