Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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