I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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