Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
