I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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