Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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