Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I want a musical about memes.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
