remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
