I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
