I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
