im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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