if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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