So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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