Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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