you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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