you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
