Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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