"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
