NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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