She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
