I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
